i felt pretty

it was a fleeting feeling, but gosh darn it...i will take what i can get.

accepting how others view me positively instead of questioning their sanity is HUGE for me. "oh, i'm charming, funny, cute and pretty? if you say so!" i think everyone has a hard time accepting compliments... but after weight loss it's like those normal insecurities are magnified by your own disbelief. if you don't see your new self, you can't comprehend how others see you.

in the last two weeks i have gone out several times and felt like a normal girl, dolled up and having a good time out on the town. a girl people want to dance with, talk to and have fun with. looking back i think of it as strange (baby steps people), but in the midst of it...i felt comfortable. i felt confident and that is something to shake a stick at. i wish i could take that confidence and bottle it up.

on the exercise front, kettlebell is kicking ass! (including mine, lol) i currently have serious forearm bruises that indicate some very poor form, woops! i researched online and realized i need to "tame my arc" as in most things, form is key. i'm really digging the kettlebell. it's challenging and makes me feel strong. good stuff.

hahaha, i just ordered a swimsuit online...who does that? it's like ordering a bra online (for any men reading this, one should never assume a bra will fit based on the size it claims to be) but the suit is super duper adorable. RED. vintage style. not as esther williams as i hoped, but close enough. ordering online is risky business, but i tried the same style on in the store and just needed the next size down...here's hoping! i'm going out of town next weekend and really want to spend time in the hotel pool. a new swimsuit was necessary as my old one came down with a bad case of saggy bum syndrome.

walk like a cowgirl

hey party people. it's me. yeah, i'm still here. :)

let's see...what were the bullet points for june 2010...

-i was accepted into grad school! i spoke with my advisor last week and enrolled in class a few days ago...i am terribly excited. yesterday i contacted a local nonprofit to see if my volunteer services could be used (only for a few hours since i will be busy with work/school/work as well). i am going with the flow and seeing what works...if i need to drop something it will most likely be the part-time job, but for now i think it will be a great place to get some reading done. i am one of those that likes to study outside of my living space. i'm feeling pretty fantastic about that area of my life. it will be stressful, challenging, exciting and thoroughly enjoyable...i can't wait :)

-i purchased a kettlebell (actually 2, but one sucks and will be returned) and started using said kettlebell. it's fantastic. it's a russian weight that is used for strength training, but the work outs are fantastic cardio too. you are basically throwing around a weight with a handle. it works your whole body. i was sooo sore the first few days, i should have been wearing stirrups and chaps. my co-worker even asked me why i was groaning, lol. after just a week i feel stronger, but also challenged...i am extremely fond of a challenge.

-i am maintaining. some days i'm okay with that, other days it infuriates me! today i am in between those two, not happy but also not livid. i am working out and eating right...the amounts/timing of eating are still being worked on. most importantly i'm addressing the emotional issues surrounding those struggles. it's effing hard to understand yourself sometimes. losing the weight was quick, i mean not too quick...just standard healthy losses, but the mind is a fickle thing.

-i am enjoying the summer immensely. after losing the weight, my body temperature totally changed. i used to be hot all the time, but now i am comfortable in sunny warm/hot weather and i like it. winter in wisconsin is more of a struggle, but summer is brilliant! :) i work a lot, but i have been spending time with my siblings and my friends in madison. i now have a few friends in the area from choir, but with so little free time...new friends are just so much work! they are good people though and i think i'll be going to a poker fundraiser to see them next week. it will be easier to make plans during the school year when i see them every week. for now i'm feeling good and preparing for the immense amount of work grad school will add to my plate.

happy fourth of july! i'm working, but don't be sad for me...they are paying me double time and all of the parades/celebrations are tomorrow :)